I thought it was love. it wasn’t.

#fyp #mentalhealthawareness #love #poem #ex

Thinking about it just bums me out.

I love her.

At least I think I do.

Because she made my heart beat in two.

I hate admitting that.

I know I’ll probably never see her again.

Never hear her voice.

Never know the person she’s become.

Our lives split apart.

That’s just reality.

I should move on.

Some days I think I finally am.

Not because I love her less.

Because I’m getting tired of carrying the hurt.

I don’t even want her back anymore.

I just want peace.

I want to forget she ever existed.

Funny thing is she used to tell me, “Out of sight, out of mind.”

I never understood how someone could live like that.

Maybe she could.

Maybe I just couldn’t.

Sometimes I tell myself she never loved me.

Sometimes I think she loved me the best she knew how.

I don’t know which one hurts more.

Maybe that’s why I keep asking the same questions.

Not because I expect answers.

Because I don’t know how to stop.

She left.

She moved away.

She said she never would.

Life changes.

People change.

Promises do too, I guess.

Some days it feels like I was only useful until I wasn’t.

Other days I think that’s just my anger trying to make sense of losing somebody.

Maybe both can be true.

I don’t know.

Looking back, I can finally admit something.

There were a lot of things she never wanted to do with me.

Then I’d see her doing them later with someone else.

That hurt.

Not because of the cartoons.

Not because of what they were doing.

Because it made me wonder if it was me all along.

Maybe it was.

Maybe it wasn’t.

I cheated.

I’ll carry that.

Nobody has to remind me.

I know what I did.

But I also know the relationship wasn’t perfect before that.

We were already breaking in ways neither of us knew how to fix.

I spent a long time believing all of this was only my fault.

Now I think it was more complicated than that.

The funny thing is I still don’t recognize myself.

I spend every day tearing myself down just to build something back up.

Trying to get on a schedule.

Trying to discipline myself.

Trying to become someone I can actually look at.

Then I’ll just be standing there…

and my eyes start watering for no reason.

The tears come before I even realize I’m thinking about her.

I used to be proud that nobody could get to me.

I was cold.

Nothing bothered me.

Then she happened.

Now she’s the crack in the wall I spent my whole life building.

I hate that she still has that kind of power over me.

Maybe she doesn’t.

Maybe I gave it to her.

Either way…

I’m the one still carrying it.

6/27 Edited to

... Read moreDealing with the aftermath of a breakup can often feel overwhelming, especially when love was once so intense that it truly felt like the world revolved around that person. The struggle to move on, as shared here, is something many of us can relate to — the constant inner turmoil, the unanswered questions, and the persistent hope that maybe things could have been different. From my personal experience, I found that the process of healing started with acceptance. Accepting that the relationship was imperfect and that change is an unavoidable part of life helped me slowly let go of the resentment and hurt. It’s normal to carry guilt and wonder about what could have been; however, it’s also important to recognize that these feelings don’t define you or your worth. Something very impactful I learned is the importance of finding peace within yourself rather than seeking it from the absence or presence of a former partner. The phrase “getting over you perhaps you wanted it so badly and that was why it didn't work” captures a poignant truth about forcing love that isn’t reciprocal or healthy. Wanting someone too much sometimes blinds us to the reality of the relationship’s dynamics. It’s okay to acknowledge that love sometimes isn’t enough to hold two people together. In the journey of self-discovery after a breakup, building a routine, setting personal goals, and practicing self-compassion can make a tremendous difference. I started journaling my thoughts and emotions deeply; this not only helped me process pain but also gave clarity about my own needs and boundaries going forward. I also found that sharing my story with supportive friends or even through creative outlets like poetry or writing gave me a sense of release and connection. We don’t have to suffer silently. Many people experience the pain of love lost, and hearing their stories can remind us that while heartbreak stings, it can also foster growth and resilience. Most importantly, it’s crucial to be patient with yourself. Healing is not linear. Some days will be harder than others, and tears might still come without warning. That’s all part of reclaiming your emotional strength. When you start to realize that the power the past relationship had over you was granted by your own attachment, you can gradually reclaim that power for your own healing. Remember, moving forward doesn't mean forgetting; it means finding peace despite the memories. And sometimes, letting go is the kindest way to truly love yourself.

4 comments

Jo's images
Jo

I seldom take the time to read anything too long because I get distracted so easily. This was/is/? It hit me hard. Brutally honest. Brutally hurt. Brutally healing! I'm having a ? day so I'll leave it at that. Everyone else today listened to me rant which I seldom allow myself to do. 🔥

E C's images
E C

maybe she just had no idea that you saw her at all. 🔥

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