when my best friend and i broke up 💔
so, i went through a hard friendship break up. this is a long read so buckle up. i promise it’s worth it!
i wanted to share this post but my *original* caption was basically me airing out our dirty laundry and i felt guilty for sharing snippets of our friendship that probably would make the other person kiiiiinda upset. i know i probably shouldn’t care cause i found out since she tried to blame our fallout on me and made up stories that made me sound like the bad guy even though i let her have everything (also when i tried to be nice by reaching out to her and sent her a genuinely kind message about her recent accomplishment and she chose to ignore which was fine at first but later changed the “delivered” to “read” to let me know that she left me on read to petty and i know this because she told me she likes doing that to be petty and has done it to me before 🥲) but you know!!!! that’s besides the point!!! i still wanted to share how /i/ felt during this time period of my life so hopefully this could give someone comfort when going through the same thing.
a quick backstory of my friendship with this person is that we went to school together our whole lives. literally elementary school, middle school, high school, and college. we knew each other for 10+ years and became best friends in 2014 when we were going through pretty bad break ups. ever since then, we were inseparable. my family even invited her to europe with me because we were that close. i gave her everything she ever wanted from me and i didn’t mind at all. i loved her with my whole heart and genuinely thought we were going to be best friends forever. but it’s funny how life changes everything, right?
how we ended? well…let’s just say she liked other people more than me so her attitude towards me changed drastically and a guy 🙂 yes, you read that right. a GUY ruined our friendship. well, it was a lot of things that lead up to it but the guy and how she treated me when this guy came into the picture was the final straw for me.
we’re not friends anymore and it f*cking sucked….at first!
thank goodness this friendship ended before the pandemic hit the world and everyone was stuck at home for who knows how long. so, i had a lot of time to cope and reflect.
i kept asking myself on where did i go wrong in this friendship. what did i do to get someone who was basically like a sister to me not love me anymore. i put a lot of blame on myself when we ended. despite all of my other friend’s best efforts to remind me that it takes two to tango and that i did the best i could while she simply didn’t want to do the same with me anymore, i still blamed myself for letting our friendship end up the way it did. i felt as though my friends were simply doing what friends do and just help me feel better when there was probably something i did do wrong. trust me, this lasted a WHILE. i knew there were things she did to me were simply not what best friends do to each other but i couldn’t help but think there was something i did to lead her to do that.
it took some time to realize that this friendship was simply not supposed to last a life time like i hoped. my mindset started to shift when i would think to myself, “okay, you did love her but truly think to yourself, did she love you? if she did, then she would be here right now.”
if you’re like me and would tend to put a lot of blame on yourself when things end, just know there’s nothing in your power that can make someone love you. they have to choose you themselves and if they don’t, then it’s not meant to be.
i was very much in denial that my ex best friend still loved me like she always did since our high school days but i had to swallow the truth and accept that she cared for others more than me. that she is simply not the same person anymore. change is inevitable. but if their change starts to affect you negatively, then it’s time to re-consider your relationship with them. it’s easier said than done. trust me, i know. there was a lot of questionable things that should’ve ended the friendship a looooong time ago but i held on as long as i could.
after some time passed, there were still some parts of me that wanted to reach out cause in my head, i had that “what if” scenario stuck in my conscience. what if i just tried to reach out? maybe there could be something left to save. but every time i had the urge to do it, i stopped and think to myself, “but why does it have to be me? what will i gain if i tried to reach out and say we become friends again?” at this time period, i already established very close and loving friendship that means the world to me. so say i did have this person in my life, exactly how will they make my life better? especially after everything that happened between us and a DUMB GUY HIGHKEY RUINED IT COMPLETELY. UGH. i always tell my friends that i hope they get married, have kids and live happily ever after. their responses is like “why would you want that?!” and my answer is “IT’S BECAUSE OUR 10+ FRIENDSHIP ENDED CAUSE OF THIS MFFFF. IT BETTER BE WORTH IT.”
getting off topic!!
anyways, prior from reaching out and sending that kind message, i did ask one of my close friends if it was a good idea and they said it was fine but then they said “but what happens if she tries to befriend you again?” and that’s when i knew, i finally accepted that there was nothing to save because my response was “i did not think of that……..i hope she doesn’t :’)” the fact i started to panic at the idea of her wanting to be my friend again made me realize that the person i yearn for in my head is simply a memory.
instead of thinking what i should have done to prevent my friendship with her ending. i should’ve realized that the person in front of me is simply not the friend i knew and loved anymore. they changed and that’s okay. and the person i keep having “what ifs” with is just me missing the memories and how friendship used to be. how it used to feel safe, warm, and like home. that’s the thing i miss. not the person.
and it kiiiiinda helped that she purposefully changed the delivered to left on read days later when i wanted to be nice 🤪 it gave me the confirmation that this is not the person i want is in my life. the person i wanted is now a memory and that’s all i have left of them until life goes on and i just forget everything completely.
it’s a really scary think about but i find comfort in that i am finally free from this mindset of always blaming myself and thinking of what ifs. i keep reminding myself every day that i am blessed with the people i have now who genuinely love me for me and that life just changes things cause not everything are meant to last forever. they’re simply there for a certain time period or for a lesson.
if you’re religious, i have this post that said “God says, ‘the reason some people have turned against you & walked away from you without reason, has nothing to do with you. it is because i have removed them from your life because they cannot go where i am taking you next. they will only hinder you in your next level because they have already served their purpose in your life. let them go and keep moving. greater is coming.”
and funny enough…..i met a guy literally after our fall out and now he’s my bf 🥰 i’m NOT saying my bf was that “greater” coming but it’s just funny how it all played out. i was over here, sad as heck, and wondered what was wrong with me that my ex best friend didn’t want me around anymore. then comes along someone who loves me for me and wants me by their side.
also, during this weird transition of my relationship with my ex-best friend, i’ve grown closer to people who were there for me during the toughest times in my life and gained new friendships that i will cherish forever.
my advice when going through a friendship break up (especially ones that were long term, someone you were very close with, and it became toxic) is that there was nothing you could’ve done to change the outcome. how it played out was simply fate. it was bound to happen. you probably had it in your head already but was in denial like me. please don’t blame yourself. you did everything you could and now it’s time to let them go. the only thing that’s making you hold on is the fond memories you had with them. keep the memories and cherish them while you still can. but the person you’re yearning for probably doesn’t exist anymore and it’s okay. you’re gonna be okay. there’s 7 billion people in this world so there’s going to be someone who will accept and love you and probably will treat you better than that person ever can 😂 I know it sucks when the person you’ve known for so long is no longer in your life but just know that time means nothing. the other best friends i have now are literally people i met i transferred to the college my ex-best friend went to LOL and i met them THROUGH HER!!! life happens in funny ways but don’t let time and history hold you back from something better. it does get better if you let go. don’t be so hard on yourself when you do. you did your best and that’s all that matters ❤️
sincerely,
jam 💕
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Losing a best friend, especially after 10+ years, can feel just as devastating, if not more so, than a romantic breakup. It's truly a unique kind of heartbreak, and it's okay to feel the profound sadness and discomfort that comes with it. You might find yourself crying unexpectedly, grappling with emotions you didn't anticipate for a 'friendship breakup.' This deep sense of loss is valid because these bonds are often the bedrock of our lives, shaping our identities and providing unparalleled support. When betrayal enters the picture, it adds another layer of pain. It's natural to feel angry, wronged, and question everything you thought you knew. I remember going through a similar situation where I felt the urge to lash out, to share 'dirty laundry' like the original author mentioned. But adhering to your own principles, even when someone else hasn't, is a powerful act of self-respect. It's about protecting your peace and integrity, rather than seeking temporary satisfaction that might leave you feeling worse in the long run. Focus on what you can control – your reactions and your healing process. Remember, you can't control how others treat you, but you can control how you respond and how you allow it to impact your future. One of the toughest parts of moving on from a long-term friendship is navigating all the shared memories. What do you do with those 'friendship breakup photos' that pop up on your phone or social media? It’s a personal journey. Some find comfort in archiving them for a time, allowing for reflection when they feel ready, while others prefer to delete them as a clean break. There's no right or wrong answer. If you find yourself constantly revisiting old memories, reminding you of a relationship that spanned '10+ years', consider setting boundaries for yourself – maybe a temporary digital detox from old photos, or consciously focusing on creating new, positive memories with current friends. The person you shared those moments with might have changed, as the author wisely points out, and the person you yearn for is often just a memory of who they once were. This kind of loss often leads to intense self-reflection and profound growth. It's okay to feel uncomfortable, to question yourself, and to grieve the past deeply. Recognize that 'Friendship Breakups SUCK!!!' (as the OCR text aptly puts it), but they also pave the way for new connections. Just like the author found new, loving friendships and a supportive partner, these difficult transitions can show you who truly stands by you and open doors to incredible new relationships. Give yourself the grace to process, to cry, and to eventually find joy again. It truly does get better when you let go and embrace the new chapters life has for you. Don't be afraid to lean on your existing support system or seek new ones; sometimes, finding people who truly see and value you is the most liberating part of moving on. Remember, you did your best. Don't let the end of a friendship define your worth or make you question your capacity for love. Instead, let it be a testament to your resilience, your capacity for growth, and a lesson in recognizing where your energy is best invested. Focus on building friendships that are reciprocal, respectful, and genuinely uplifting. You deserve nothing less.
![A screenshot of a text message bubble with a break-up message: 'Hey [Name], I've thought about this a lot, and I think we should break up. I feel like we've reached the end of the road. Wishing you all the best moving forward.'](https://p16-lemon8-cross-sign.tiktokcdn-us.com/tos-useast5-v-3931-tx/oMfz0y2B6CBvR6JiUwiDaEAbBjAgIwB1WjAJ4B~tplv-pyavlv3z7u-shrink:640:0:q50.webp?lk3s=66c60501&source=seo_middle_feed_list&x-expires=1819303200&x-signature=KeTIY1DAPji6gHVB8OH%2BNs39tts%3D)
![A screenshot of a text message bubble with a break-up message: 'Hey [Name], I think we both know this isn't working anymore, and I just want to say that I appreciate all the good moments we've had. I think it's time to part ways and move forward separately. I hope we can both find happiness in our own lives.'](https://p16-lemon8-cross-sign.tiktokcdn-us.com/tos-useast5-v-3931-tx/oEB2BiwRE4zAy76bIB6AjJiAgvkowBfW1nBUDa~tplv-pyavlv3z7u-shrink:640:0:q50.webp?lk3s=66c60501&source=seo_middle_feed_list&x-expires=1819303200&x-signature=mqZfNCmvgTYN3i2b66iCGqqWLHo%3D)
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