Taking Control Over Narcissist/Abuser 🫶
First, let’s lay down the definition of the topic.
(If you don’t know what a narcissist is, here is the definition below.)⬇️
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A person who has an excessive interest in or admiration of themselves.
"narcissists who think the world revolves around them"
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So, to paint an ugly picture for you. I have had many narcissistic exes and I have always been a magnet for them. They would abuse me physically, mentally and emotionally. They would make me question myself all the time and what I was doing wrong. I never knew why everything I did was never, NEVER EVER good enough for them.
I would question myself, deep into my depression.. I would ask myself, “Why?” Why in the hell can’t I get through to him? Why can’t I just make him happy? Why aren’t I good enough?
I didn’t just jump into a relationship with these guys and trust they were going to be great. I saw a WHOLE DIFFERENT PERSON before they changed into the monster that I was so afraid of. My judgement was obviously extremely poor, I didn’t know that I could have anyone or anything different. These guys truly made me believe that I was scum.
It all started with their character traits that draw their victims in… they played me, made me feel safe and comfortable. I trusted telling them about my life, my family and places I go to hangout at. We got real close and everything seemed “normal” or however you’d want to word a man for being “up to par.”
After they gather all of the information they need from you to feel just as comfortable with you as you are them, and they feel like they know you better than you know them THEY WILL TRY TO OWN YOU! Just as the few men I had who did this to me. BE CAREFUL who you get close to. BE CAREFUL who you sleep with at night. BE CAREFUL who you trust. I’m not telling you to be paranoid, and I’m not demanding you do anything at all.. but woman to woman, if you struggle with these sort of men even the slightest bit and you questioned yourself, YOU ARE TOO CLOSE TO BEING A VICTIM. Even just being “a little naive” can get you into trouble, just as it did me. I say this because there were signs that I should have probably noticed in my cases, but I chose to ignore them.
There will never be a time that you are to blame for an abusive man or woman/ spouse making you their physical or emotional punching bag!!!!
BUT!
You have ABSOLUTELY got to evaluate yourself!
You have to figure out why this is happening to you! And I don’t mean “figure out why the narcissist is doing it.” But I mean you must figure out why you are having trouble leaving them, dumping them or not making the decision to get help.
YOU ARE ALLOWED TO ASK FOR HELP.
YOU ARE ALLOWED TO CALL THE POLICE 👮
YOU ARE ALLOWED TO TALK TO A FRIEND OR FAMILY MEMBER WHO YOU TRUST!
YOU ARE ALLOWED TO DEFEND YOURSELF!
It has taken me over 10 years to figure out that I don’t need ANYBODY in my life to be in a relationship at all, if it means that I’m going to get abused or taken advantage of in any way shape or form!
I HAVE SCARS ALL OVER MY BODY!! They’re not little either… they’re very large scars, and some go past 4 inches long and half an inch wide. These are living proof that I survived and so can you!
There is nobody that I could ever expect to love me as much as I love me. If I find a significant other who loves me genuinely and truly cares and doesn’t hurt me than I am okay with trying to go further with him. I’m not saying to not trust anyone, but to be very careful who you are putting your trust into, or you may get yourself hurt or even worse than that.
I didn’t get too graphic in this post, because I don’t want to trigger anybody or make anyone feel uncomfortable. I just want to share a little bit of my story with you guys and hopefully make something positive out of this.
Of course, any appropriate information, advice and comments would be appreciated by other victims or people who are educated in this topic. Yes, it would be GREATLY APPRECIATED!
National Domestic Violence Hotline:
Hours: 24/7. Languages: English, Spanish and 200+ through interpretation service Learn more
800-799-7233
SMS: Text START to 88788
My journey to healing from narcissistic abuse has been a long and challenging one, marked by a deep struggle for empowerment. I've learned that truly taking back control isn't just about leaving the situation, but about a profound internal shift. For anyone asking "how to heal," here’s what I’ve found most vital. First, processing the emotional and physical aftermath of abuse is crucial. I remember looking at my own healed scars, some long and wide, and realizing they were not just marks on my skin, but reminders of the trauma I survived. Acknowledging the pain, rather than suppressing it, was my first step. This meant allowing myself to feel anger, sadness, and even grief for the person I was, and for the relationship I thought I had. Journaling became a powerful tool for me, a safe space where I could vent without judgment and slowly re-understand my own narrative. Next came the arduous task of rebuilding my self-worth. Narcissists excel at chipping away at your sense of self, making you question your reality and value. I had to actively challenge those ingrained thoughts. I started by focusing on small victories and positive affirmations, reminding myself that I am worthy of love and respect, regardless of what I was told. Connecting with a trusted therapist who understood the dynamics of narcissistic abuse was a game-changer. They helped me identify manipulative patterns and understand that the abuse was never my fault, which was essential for overcoming the deep-seated self-blame. Setting firm boundaries, both emotionally and physically, was another critical step. This was a skill I had to learn from scratch. It meant saying “no” without guilt, protecting my energy, and limiting contact with those who didn't respect my space or well-being. It’s a continuous process, but with each boundary I set, I felt a little more empowered, a little more in control of my own life. This wasn’t just about protecting myself from future harm, but about honoring my own needs and cultivating self-respect. Finally, understanding the nature of narcissism, even sometimes through how it's portrayed in a 'narcissist film' or documentaries, helped me depersonalize the experience. While fictional portrayals can offer insights, it's important to differentiate between entertainment and real-life psychological understanding. I focused on learning about the disorder from reputable sources, recognizing the patterns of manipulation, gaslighting, and devaluation. This knowledge wasn't for understanding my abuser, but for understanding my experience and equipping myself with tools to prevent similar situations in the future. My journey to survival from abuse continues, but now, it’s a journey of strength and self-discovery.
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