Recovering People Pleaser 🫶

Okay, so you've heard the term 'people pleaser,' but what does it really mean? From my own experience, it's that constant, often unconscious, need to make everyone around you happy, even if it means sacrificing your own needs, boundaries, and well-being. It's not just about being kind; it’s about a deep-seated fear of disapproval or conflict, driving you to prioritize others' comfort over your own. I remember feeling like my entire day revolved around anticipating what others wanted from me. How do you know if you're one? For me, it looked like always saying 'yes' even when I desperately wanted to say 'no,' apologizing constantly, or feeling guilty for setting any boundaries. It's that nagging feeling of 'you're never gonna have everyone happy' but trying anyway, which is exactly why it becomes very draining. You might find yourself constantly questioning yourself, replaying conversations, and feeling a pervasive sense of anxiety that nobody wants. The mental load of trying to keep everyone comfortable with you is immense. Why do we do it? Often, it stems from a desire for acceptance, a fear of rejection, or even past experiences where our needs weren't met. We learn that 'being good' or 'being easy' earns us love or approval. But what we don't realize is that this path eventually leads to burnout and a complete loss of our authentic self. The biggest impact for me was the sheer exhaustion. I was literally running myself in the ground trying to be everything to everyone. It led to resentment, not just towards others, but towards myself for not standing up for who I was. I felt like I was losing myself, unable to truly be myself unapologetically unwatered down. That's when I realized this wasn't living; this was surviving. So, if this sounds familiar, what can you do? My first step was acknowledging it. Then, I started small with setting tiny boundaries. It felt uncomfortable at first, like I was being 'selfish,' but gradually I learned that prioritizing my peace wasn't selfish, it was necessary. I started asking myself, 'What do *I* want?' before automatically agreeing to something. Embracing 'main character energy' isn't about being self-centered; it's about giving yourself permission to live the life you want to live and recognizing that your happiness is just as important as anyone else's. Remember, people are gonna have something to talk no matter what, so you might as well give them a little something to talk about while you're doing exactly what makes you feel fulfilled and at peace. Stop concerning yourself with people who will not make it to the next chapter of your story.