What you shouldn’t teach your kids that we learned

Growing up, I was taught so many things that will NOT be taught to my girls. I thought I’d share a few here.

- “Because I said so.”

It’s not an explanation. It’s okay to be curious and want to understand something. People need to learn to not follow something without questioning/understanding it.

- “Give them a hug, be nice.”

Nope. You don’t have to show anyone affection that you don’t want to at any point. You don’t have to force yourself to make physical contact with someone to make someone else happy.

- “I gave you life, you owe me.”

If anything, I OWE YOU! I’m the one who brought you here. I owe you a healthy and happy childhood. I owe you love. I owe you more than survival.

- “You shouldn’t wear that if you don’t want unwanted attention.”

I agree that children shouldn’t wear certain things to promote childhood. But someone else’s actions are NOT your fault.

#momlife #parenting #parentingtips #unfiltered

2025/7/9 Edited to

... Read moreIt's truly a journey to become a parent and consciously decide what traditions to carry forward and which ones to lovingly leave behind. Like seeing an adult and a child mesmerized by the fish in an aquarium, I often find myself observing my daughters, thinking about the kind of world I want to build for them, and how my own upbringing shapes that vision. My original post touched on some key lessons I'm actively unlearning, but what does that look like in practice? How do we replace those old adages with something more empowering? Instead of the frustrating 'Because I said so,' I'm learning to embrace curiosity and critical thinking. It's tough when you're tired, but taking a moment to explain the 'why' behind a rule, or even admitting "I don't know, let's find out," validates their intelligence. For instance, if I ask them not to touch a hot stove, explaining "It's hot, it will burn you and hurt" is far more effective than just "Don't touch it because I said so." This teaches them cause and effect, and that their feelings and questions matter. It builds trust and encourages them to think for themselves, rather than blindly following instructions. My hope is they grow up questioning, understanding, and making informed decisions. Then there's the age-old 'Give them a hug, be nice.' This one hits home for many of us. I'm actively teaching my girls about bodily autonomy and consent. Their bodies are their own, and they get to decide who touches them and when. Instead of forcing a hug on a reluctant relative, we practice alternatives: a high-five, a wave, a verbal greeting. I often say, "It's okay to say no if you don't want a hug right now, but you can offer a high-five instead." This is a crucial parenting moment for me. It empowers them to set boundaries, understand their feelings, and respect others' boundaries too. It's about teaching them that affection is freely given, not obligated, fostering a sense of self-respect that will serve them well throughout their lives. The phrase 'I gave you life, you owe me' carries such a heavy burden. Instead, I strive to cultivate unconditional love and intrinsic worth. My children don't owe me anything for the life I chose to give them. My role is to provide a rich, loving, and secure environment. We focus on responsibility that stems from being a contributing member of our family, not from a debt owed. For example, chores are about teamwork and contributing to our shared home, not repayment. I constantly remind them that they are loved simply for who they are, not for what they do for me or what they achieve. This helps them build a strong sense of self-worth and security, knowing their value isn't dependent on pleasing others. Finally, the harmful 'You shouldn’t wear that if you don’t want unwanted attention.' This message unjustly shifts blame. I'm committed to teaching my girls about respect, personal responsibility, and the concept that someone else's actions are never their fault. We talk about appropriate attire for different situations, not from a place of fear or blame, but from practicality and modesty that they choose. More importantly, we discuss that everyone deserves respect, and no one has the right to make another person uncomfortable or unsafe, regardless of what they are wearing. This empowers them to understand that boundaries are important and that those who violate them are solely responsible for their actions. It's about fostering confidence and a belief in justice, rather than instilling fear or self-blame. It’s an ongoing process, this conscious parenting. Every day is a new opportunity to learn and grow, both for me and for my children. I truly believe that by letting go of these outdated lessons, we can raise a generation that is more curious, more secure in themselves, and more respectful of others.

50 comments

jodimatanane670's images
jodimatanane670

fkn the forgiveness of saying "boys will be boys" I hate that 🥺

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authorlisaerin's images
authorlisaerin

The “because i said so” one is so great on paper until your child logically argues with you until your explanation is not logical to them and you just have to say “because i said so” and no i don’t have examples to submit to the lemon8 jury but i have definitely been in scenarios with my child where she’s logically argued me to the point where because i said so was the final straw. It’s not my go-to, but it definitely is a rule that a lot of people think is so great until your kid debated you into it. It works when your kids are really young and still respect you as authority, but your preteen/teen is going 100% challenge your reasons and you better be ready to back your explanations beyond shadow of a doubt.

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