To the daughters that had to learn how to…
…. Recover from an emotionally unavailable mother. Well father as well but we will concentrate on mothers. I had two choices in life… to raise and treat my children like I was raised or do the complete opposite.
When I found out I was becoming a mother it wasn’t about me anymore. My story is a little diff than the common finding out about pregnancy. I had decided to seek recovery from my drug addiction which stemmed from unhealed childhood trauma. This was one month before I found out. I was 4 weeks along when that pregnancy test changed my entire life. I watched a sibling choose the road we went down as children and put their kids through the same trauma. I went the other path. I showed my kids the love that I craved and sought after from my mother especially. Just feeling loved, approved, protected and all the things you should feel emotionally from a mother. The I love yous I barely heard but seen my friends mom say to them all the time that my friends took for granted. It’s crazy to think at that time what I thought was a normal
relationship between a mother and daughter was not normal at all. I’ve had those moments with my kids as they grew like I could never imagine doing the things that were done to me as a kid to my children. I showered them with love as young kids. Let them know they mattered. Helped prepare them for future. Explained things to them about when their bodies change and how normal it is. I didn’t complain about having to be a mother or make them feel guilty for being born. I couldn’t imagine …. I cry at times for my younger self bc she deserved so much better. But I heal her through my kids.
If you can relate send me a ♥️
Recovering from emotional unavailability, especially when it stems from childhood trauma, is a complex and deeply personal journey. Many daughters who grew up without the emotional support they needed find themselves facing crossroads when they become mothers. I personally experienced this transformation — deciding to break the cycle of neglect and pain by consciously choosing compassion, presence, and love for my own children. One powerful lesson I learned is how small acts of love, such as saying "I love you" regularly and openly, can profoundly impact a child's emotional well-being. Growing up, these words were rare in my home, but I made it a priority to express affection and validation to my kids daily. It’s amazing how this simple change can shape children's sense of security and self-worth. Moreover, addressing difficult topics like bodily changes and emotions with openness helped normalize their experiences, fostering trust and communication. It’s important to acknowledge that becoming a mother while healing from past trauma or addiction requires patience and self-compassion. There will be moments of guilt or sadness for the past, but those feelings can be reframed as motivation to nurture and support your children differently. In conversations with others on similar paths, I've found strength in shared vulnerability and the understanding that healing is a continuous process. Every step taken to break toxic patterns not only benefits our children but also helps heal our younger selves. For anyone grappling with similar experiences, remember that embracing motherhood as a chance for growth and healing can be both empowering and transformative.
