"So what do you bring to the table" 🤮
What do I mean by settling?👀👀
Settling in a relationship is when your wants, needs, expectations and deepest desires aren't being met in the relationship, but you choose to stay.
Having been on dating apps recently, most asked why I was still single and I said I couldn't find someone and they were like, maybe your standards are too high — "What do you bring to the table then?" A common rebuttal I have received on dating apps... and these are the people you might wanna avoid, because they will only care about what you can give them instead of getting to know you as a person 👀 Well unless you guys are just looking for a material based marriage then this works.
But its important to have standard and know what you want... if not you would end up like me hahaha - read my experience at the later part of the post. Who's going to understand your needs if you don't yourself?
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Settling in my pov means this person is giving you more stress and disturbing your peace rather than actually being a compatible partner that makes you feel like the best version of yourself.
When you are more unhappy half the time than happy, something is wrong.🥹
I'm not talking about the material sense when it comes to settling although it does contribute to the dynamics a little (will talk about it more later on)
It will feel like they only take and take from you when you guys are really just not compatible.
Remember one man's trash is another's treasure as a saying goes. You will be valued if you are in the right place/ with the right person annnd you all deserve to be happy.✨️
As someone that has previously gave into relationships that weren't for me,probably wasn't for them too... I WANNA scream and shout to everyone thats giving too much.. please know how to love yourself, understand your own feelings instead of justifying their actions - and get out before its too late, before you get married to someone that just wasn't meant for you.
You guys will both feel it if you are incompatible.
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How do you know if you are giving too much of yourself into a relationship? 🫠
😵 Feeling resentment is a clue you’re giving too much in a relationship and not receiving what you need.
🤕 You feel like you are constantly "chasing" your partner to mutually invest in the relationship.
Eg. Having to push for intimacy. emotional connections, spend more time with you
(Imagine if this is only the dating phase!)
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Characteritics of incompatibility 🤖
Attached in the pictures above^
But yes, love can't hold a relationship together when both have incompatible values in life~
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My personal experience settling in a relationship 😵🤕
I felt drained and not myself, I was depressed and felt like I had no control over my life with nothing to work towards to.😵
This happened on two instances where I didn't see my worth and seeing things from a place of "lack", instead of seeing things clearly - that we just want different things.
First in a long term relationship where we were only together for a year.
And second, someone I dated for 4 months, that wanted me to act a certain way instead of being myself.
EG. "I hate that you have opinions, you should just agree with everything I say"
I brought up earlier that material stuff do matter, not because I'm a gold digger but these men themselves told me they felt bad that they couldn't provide for me and they were insecure that I started working first. My acheivements made them feel insecure. SO ladies, find someone in your stage of life, if not earning more than you, you are not a gold digger, you are just trying to find someone on the same level as you.
How these insecurities affected the relationship?🚩
They tried to make me feel small, poking fun at all my insecurities, making demeaning assumptions about how I'm like.
Eg.
💔Oh you are so weak.
🫠You are getting chubbier, Look at the double chin. (i was 48kg, 158cm tall)
😪Why are you always so panicky - when I just planned my japan trip itinerary early?? confused af. I just love planning though.
I treated them with respect, gentle communication and constant assurance that they will reach their goals some day and I'm here for the ride. No one is perfect! But in return they just wanna be above me, and I guess thats a guy's ego thing.
Even on dating apps...🚩
They would make the worst assumptions of me when we just started casually talking? I googled this phenomenon and basically they just wanted to feel more in control in the whole connection.. WhICH doesn't make a good partner.
Disclaimer, not all men are like that, there are definitely good guys, they just take time to find.
A good partner is secure, respectful, communicates, and makes sure your needs matches what they are willing to give - its a mutual thing.
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Thank you for reading till here~✨️✨️
I hope these helped to identify any warning signs going on in your own lives~ if not its still a good thing to be aware of since relationships, (not just romantically, these applies to platonic too) holds a huge part of our lives.
Never settle for less, rather be peaceful alone than be in pain all the time.
Sending peace and love 🥰🥰
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Other post:
Are my standards for men too high?
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Recognizing the signs of settling early can save you a lot of emotional turmoil. For me, the hardest part was admitting that I was not being valued or respected as I should be. Incompatibility often shows up as constant arguments, lack of shared interests, or differing core values — these are huge red flags you shouldn't ignore. For example, when your partner dismisses your opinions or makes you feel small, that's a sign something's off. Beyond emotional mismatch, material insecurity can subtly erode a relationship. I’ve encountered men who felt threatened by my achievements, which created tension and made me question the relationship’s foundation. It’s perfectly okay to expect your partner to be on a similar life stage or share ambitions. Emotional compatibility is crucial. When you’re the one always initiating intimacy or emotional connection, it can lead to resentment. I found that true partnership means mutually investing in each other’s happiness and growth. It’s important to set standards not as a way to judge others, but to honor your own needs and peace of mind. From experience, the earlier you recognize these warning signs — lack of attraction, trust issues, differing senses of humor, or feeling like you’re constantly chasing your partner — the better you can protect your emotional health. It’s not about perfection, but about respect, understanding, and mutual effort. If you feel drained or resentful more often than happy, pause and reflect. Sometimes walking away is the kindest thing you can do for yourself. Being alone peacefully is far better than enduring a relationship that stifles your true self. Embrace self-love and seek a partnership where you feel cherished, understood, and truly compatible.
Sorry that you had to deal with those unkind people. Sending you some ❤️ I also had to learn to put myself first over others. It's our own lives so there's nothing wrong to put ourselves at the no.1 spot. Thanks for sharing this and I enjoyed reading it. I also really liked the quote from the 5th picture ❤️