We broke up 💔
hellu zesties 🫠
Welll... yet another failed thing >< Go read Dating report 9 if you havent..
🚫⚠️WARNING THis is a rant and im writing this for my own healing. To let shit gooo. 🫠🙃🤧⚠️🚫
(may repeat myself here and there cus i had to repeat myself alot with him)
(and yes this will only be the bad stuff cus im getting over him)
We broke up and i tried my best in this relationship. Tried compromising with his schedule, understood his pov, worked out solutions on the problems we had, I was doing everything, bought him lil gifts.
He was complaining about every little thing he did that I did not appreciate. But he just wasn't listening to what I needed in order to be loved.. and it really isnt that hard!! I just told him to be kinder to me and not say mean shit to me (called me alot of mean things i was never associated with). He say he cannot control lol, so why must i put up with that kinda attitude. He did not want to respect me.
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We went out for about 3 months annd the cracks started appearing at the 2nd month which was waayy too fast. I have never argued with someone so much before.
There were alot of issues.
He was clearly not ready for a relationship because he transitioned into a 6 days work week. I would say this is one of the bigger reasons but really he was just an avoidant. He was tired and have 0 energy to deal with a relationship - but he chose it that way, he makes his own schedule.. He just doesnt understand the importance of balance annd... taking care of his basic life needs. When I saw that i kinda alr knew this wont last ahh because he is still in survival mode and couldn't even eat on time or prioritise basic life needs.
I should probably have left at the first sign of red flag but I stayed cus I liked him alot and he promised me the world. But his words and actions just didn't align eventually tbh.
I probably had some mistakes too which is 1. not leaving earlier and not knowing my worth, 2. too desperate to make shit work after all the failed dates. 3. Picking fights at the wrong time with him when he was stressed out. (but he was always stressed out)
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But yea it was just difficult, nothing was going smoothly and he wasn't interested in working on anything either.
It felt like he wasn't interested in me anymore in the second month, every single thing I said triggered him and he would project weird shit on me that I wasn't even thinking of.
eg. 1 me wasting food at his house = me not respecting his mums money (but the maikai rice was just nua nua and cold alr, we cooked it wrongly) (It really wasn't that deep and Im more than willing to pay for my own food than be seen this kind of evil)
eg. 2 "I use breakup to threaten him" when i tell him i dont date avoidants, unless he's willing to work out his shit with me and talk to me.
eg. 3 I'm selfish and disrespectful. Cus i was trying to get him to understand my feelings that he was being distant af... he said i want too much time from him when im also bz af?? Then he told all his frens thats the issue, im the issue cus i want to take up all of his time when he has to work.
He would say he understand but he doesn't and hold that resentment into the next fight...
He broke up with me saying he don't have the emotional capacity right now to deal with a relationship. I just felt led on and stupid for giving him so muchh and trying to make things work, i was doing allll the emotional weightlifting because he just couldn't understand me when I talked about my needs - and also talking abt the wounds he need to face.
I THINK he had listening issues tbh i had to repeat myself for simple things... for example i dont eat much and i was full, he took it as i just want to give him more food?? But i was simply just full, no hidden meanings nothing.
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But yea i think this was worst than my other avoidant ex cus nothing was progressing in the relationship after the first month, it just went down hill.
There were no dates, for 2 monthss and when I planned for vday we were fighting the next day lol (he didnt even want to be there cus he was tired) .-. He said he needs lots of space from me, doesn't want to meet me, wants to focus on work. Said im fishing for conversation and he only dated me cus I said i like quietness....this fked me up lol walllaoakab. Says mean stuff to me when I was unhappy about something and expressed it. Kept running away from his problems - to me it was simple shit lol..he had unrealistic expectations for himself. Stopped putting in any effort. He said he had s*x with me cus i wanted it but he was actually to tired to do it then im just like...waw he could have said no, and he only pleasured himself lol.
I told him to just speak nicer to me and he said i took his actions for granted. Its like i had to appreciate every single thing he did when that was bare minimum shit to me in relationships, and he did all that at the start without complaining.
I just feel love bombed af. My intuition already had that feeling but I just wanted to wait and see lol ;-; Wait and get burnt i gUess 🤧
But ya he wasnt adding value to my life in any way except anxiousness, stress and me having to feel small to compromise with what he wants to do in life, claiming that it is for our future... If it was really for me i dont think its too hard to be reassuring, speak nicely, do small actions to show that you still care.
Idk date me for what lah tbh I did all the gf shit and his family loves me but i dont feel loved by him much. (He said he loves my and appreciates me ... but feels like all talk no actions - he tried being nicer towards the end i guess (like a 2hrs talk(cus he usually dw talk mah) and putting in more effort in bed ig, and said i took all that for granted cus i bring up the same issue (a few days after) - issue was I didn't feel heard and i feel like he didnt understand our fight.. so i wanted to talk about the takeaways but he got triggereddd).
Like being nice not normal meh in a rs, if u cant even be nice to your partner smth is very wrong lol jsjajajaba aaaa i felt so crazy for having to keep expressing myself for very simple bare minimum human rights shit.
His grandma is still my fav tho hehe best human i met in a while, she made amazing food and kept feeding me.
But yea i dw a future with someone that gives up so easily when this is oni 3 months in, and what he's doing is actually supposed to be fun (getting to manage a biz without putting any money in lol he's actually in a win win situation and doesnt even know it) he's so stressed out instead of enjoying the process and taking it out on me 🤧
so ye im doNes and healing
Don't settle for less my girlies, alw walk away at the first few signs of disrespect. 💖💖
I'm not that sad now cus I know i tried my best already and had been cautious and observing since the 2nd month of rollercoasters, and i have everything to gain from walking away from this. - knowing how much i could love the wrong one, imagine when I meet the right one :3
My girl friends has also been amazing supports for me during this journey (+ assured me i wasn't doing anything bad to make him feel this way about me)(they are all in long term relationships) and I honestly can't live without them.
Thank you for reading this emotional mess 💔🙃
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Breakups, especially with partners who have avoidant tendencies, can feel incredibly isolating and confusing. From my experience, understanding the nature of avoidant behavior helped me make sense of the emotional distance I felt even when I was fully invested. Avoidants often struggle with emotional availability and may unintentionally dismiss their partner's needs, which can cause repeated misunderstandings and pain. One key to moving forward is focusing on yourself and your own healing. This means acknowledging your feelings without judgment, setting clear boundaries, and not accepting disrespect or neglect. Support from close friends was invaluable for me — they reminded me of my worth and provided much-needed perspective when I felt lost. I found that silence and space after a breakup are powerful tools to regain clarity and emotional strength. It’s essential to resist the urge to continuously analyze what went wrong and instead prioritize rebuilding your sense of self. Remember, the end of one chapter opens the door for healthier and more fulfilling relationships ahead. If you’re feeling indifferent or questioning your emotions in a relationship, trust those feelings. They often signal essential truths about what you need and deserve. Walking away from a relationship that doesn’t respect your boundaries or meet your needs is an act of self-love — and ultimately, the first step toward a better future.
I’m in a similar situation rn and my last hope is bringing him to couple counselling. You’re really strong and brave for doing that and I hope I can be like you if he still doesn’t want to change…🥹