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It’s the little conversations I miss most 🍀

Sometimes something happens, and my first thought is still, “I need to tell you.” Something funny the kids said. A frustrating afternoon. Good news I know you would’ve been excited about. Then I remember. I miss the ordinary conversations. Hearing about your day while I told you about mine

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Life Keeps Moving, But They’re Still Missing 💔

One of the hardest parts of grief is realizing that life doesn’t stop when someone you love dies. The kids keep growing. Birthdays come and go. Holidays pass. New memories are made. And while you’re grateful for every moment, there’s always that ache in your heart for the person who should st

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My Son Turns 14, and I Wish His Dad Were Here, Too 💚

Celebrating 14 years of loving my boy, while wishing his dad were here beside us. So much pride, so much love, and someone missing from it all. 💚🍀 #TheCloverGarden #GriefAndLove #WidowedMom #BirthdayWithoutDad

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The Me Before and the Me After

Sometimes I feel like I’m split in two—the person I was before you died, and the person I am now. I’m more anxious now. I worry about what might happen. I watch over our kids a little more closely because I know how quickly life can change. It’s in the little things. Needing to know they arri

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When Joy and Grief Exist Together �

October is a hard month for me. My brother’s birthday is coming up. He’s been gone for 11 years, but I still wish I could celebrate one more birthday with him. My son is turning 14 this month, and while I’m so proud of the young man he’s becoming, there’s a sadness that comes with every miles

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The Grief Triggers You Don’t See Coming 🍀

I can prepare myself for birthdays and anniversaries. I know those days might hurt. But how do you prepare for seeing their favorite snack in the grocery store? Or catching a familiar smell, hearing a song, or finding a little note in their handwriting? One moment, I’m going about my day.

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Being Young Doesn’t Make Losing Your Spouse Easier �

“You’re still young.” “You can always get married again.” “You need to move on.” I know people probably mean well when they say these things. But sometimes those words hurt more than they help. I didn’t lose a relationship. I lost my husband. My children’s father. My best friend. The person

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They Already Lost Their Dad 🍀

One of the hardest parts of grief is watching my kids seem to get left out of things by family. It’s the invitations that don’t come. The gatherings they aren’t included in. The little moments that could remind them they still belong. I don’t know whether people realize how much those things

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The Anxiety That Came After Loss 🍀

I knew losing him would break my heart. I didn’t realize how afraid it would leave me feeling. Afraid of being alone. Afraid something else will happen. Afraid of having to figure everything out without the person I always leaned on. Being alone feels different when it wasn’t a life you chose

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The Guilt of Being the One Still Here 🍀

Sometimes grief sounds like, “Why am I still here, and you’re not?” I get another morning. Another birthday. Another ordinary day with our kids. And I wish you could have every one of those things, too. That’s the part of survivor’s guilt that’s hard to explain. Even something good can hurt b

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When people mean well, but their words hurt 🍀

Sometimes people say awkward things after a loss because they don’t know what else to say. “Everything happens for a reason.” “At least you had the time you did.” “They’d want you to be happy.” I know those words may come from a caring place. But when you’re grieving, they can feel like you

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The Things I Wish I’d Said 🍀

One of the hardest parts of grief is knowing there won’t be another chance to say or do the things you kept putting off. I wish I’d stayed a little longer. Held you a little tighter. Taken more pictures of our ordinary days. Told you more often what those moments meant to me. We don’t always

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The Guilt That Comes With Grief 🍀

Grief can leave us carrying so many kinds of guilt. The “what if I could have changed what happened?” guilt. The guilt over an argument we wish we could take back. The relief that their suffering is over. The moment we laugh—and then feel bad for laughing. We replay the past with knowledge

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I Didn’t Feel Strong. My Kids Needed Me. 🍀

“You’re so strong.” I know people usually mean that kindly. But I wish they understood that getting up didn’t mean I was okay. When my husband died, I still had kids who needed me. Meals to make. Bills to figure out. Two little hearts grieving their dad while I was grieving him, too. I did

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Losing the “we” after loss 🤍

Being his wife was part of who I was. We had our routines, our plans, and all those little conversations about what we would do next. I was used to thinking in terms of “we.” Then he was gone, and suddenly I had to make decisions alone while still wanting his opinion on every one of them.

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When grief brings more loss 🍀

Losing someone is already painful. Then sometimes comes the fighting over what they left behind. A shirt. A tool. Something they wrote by hand. To someone else, it may be just an object. To you, it holds a memory you can’t replace. When those belongings become a battle, you can lose relations

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When relationships change after loss

Nobody told me that losing someone could change my relationships with the people still here. Sometimes the calls slow down. The invitations stop. People you thought would stay close begin to feel far away. Not every relationship ends with an argument. Sometimes it just gets quieter, until you

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Grief doesn’t have a deadline 🍀

People may see how much time has passed and think we should be “over it.” But they don’t see every moment we still wish that person was here. The ordinary days. The family milestones. The things we still want to tell them. I can have a good day and still miss him. I can keep building a life a

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Some days, surviving the day is enough 🍀

Some days, grief leaves me tired before the day even begins. Even ordinary things feel like a lot. On those days, I do what I can. Some things get done. Others have to wait. I’m learning to give myself permission to have a hard day without feeling like I’ve failed. If all you did today was

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Grieving the future we never got

When I lost my husband, I lost the future I thought we would have, too. Watching our kids grow up together. Seeing who they would become. Growing older beside the person I planned to spend my life with. Some days, it’s the memories that hurt. Other days, it’s knowing how much more there shoul

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Clover Garden Project

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🍀 Love • Loss • Healing | Grief support, journals & gentle reminders🍀