how i got out my of abusive relationship
***Disclaimer: I am with my current boyfriend that I have been with for almost 3 years. he treats me amazingly and has healed my heart so much🫶🏻
HOW AI GOT OUT: we had broken up multiple times, only lasting for hours or a few days. I always came back because he always said he would change and I had a trauma bond to him. Finally one day when a black kid had texted me happy birthday this did not make him happy because he was extremely racist and I hated it. He went through my phone and saw this text, and he immediately started hating on the kid which I defended the kid. When I was at the gym he continued to start about the subject and was threatening to beat my family up, destroy things and attack people. it was my final straw because this kid was so sweet and the racism was terrible. I had my friend with me and she pulled me through it and gave me strength to leave. I finally told my family all the threats he was making and what he said he would do. they were very scared for me and we’re even more scared when I told them everything besides them knowing about the phone. They knew immediately that I could get really hurt and they wanted to get me out of this dangerous relationship fast. my cousin had been kidnapped by her husband and attempted to murder her years ago so our family has seen this first hand. It took about a month for him to stop harassing me by him getting other people to. I had to call the police when he was threatening me non stop, blowing up my phone. They came to his work and finally he knocked off but I seriously considered a restraining order. Over the month he would call me off of friends phone and search into my life but I ignored it for the most part.
There are a lot more times that he has mentally abused me throughout the relationship but there is only a few to tell or I could write a book
I do not want to seem a perfect angel because I had something called a trauma reaction. At first I would be submissive to everything he said/ did. but eventually i realized that I could not put up with it and fought back. I was not at the level of a person Id want to be but that was my only way to not drown in the relationship and be completely worn down. I realized how mean of a person he made me become based off his actions and my reactions to them and how badly my mental health was.
HIS FRIENDS: his friends would often see a lot of this abusive and be quiet. months later I got calls from them and I was nervous at first but they had told me they completely dropped him and they were sorry they never did anything to help me. they felt it was insane the things they witnessed and best themselves over not defending me but they were just as scared and didn’t want to overstep. I forgave them and told them that there isn’t something to be sorry about, but I wish i did have their support at the time.
THINGS THAT HAPPENED AFTER I LEFT: months later he got a gf, and the friends had told me how they got lunch with them, when they pointed out the bruises on her, she had said they playfight and laughed it off, but deep down they knew. quickly he started being abusive to her as he was with me, he got arrested for unlawful imprisonment which he would not let her leave the house and if she did he would kms, which he did the same to me. it is on a news article and was legit. I also found out months after that he had a gun charge, so it made me poop my pants when I realized he wasn’t playing around.
TO THIS DAY: to this day once in a while I see him while driving. I try to not give it attention but when he sees me he still taunts me. My biggest fear is him regressing one day really bad and going after me… I worry about my safety time to time but I pray for the best he has gotten better. #crazy #crazyex #abusiverelationship #exbf #ex #abusiveex #storytime
Reading your story, it really hit home for me. It's incredibly brave of you to share such a raw and honest account of escaping an abusive relationship. So many of us, myself included, have found ourselves entangled in similar toxic dynamics, often questioning 'qué puedo hacer' – what can I do – to break free. It's a question that echoes in the minds of countless individuals trapped in relationships marked by emotional manipulation and control. One of the hardest parts of being in a toxic relationship is recognizing the manipulation tactics. It's not always obvious, especially when you're deeply involved. Like your ex's constant accusations of cheating, going through your phone, or those harassing calls – these are classic signs. I remember my own experience where every argument felt like a twisted game, designed to make me doubt myself. Threats to expose private photos, racist comments, insulting your appearance – these aren't just mean words; they're meant to chip away at your self-worth and control you. The mention of your ex smashing your phone resonates deeply; it's a terrifying power move designed to isolate and intimidate. When someone threatens to harm themselves or others if you leave, it's a form of extreme emotional blackmail, not love. It’s crucial to remember that these actions are never your fault and are not part of a healthy relationship. So, if you're reading this and thinking 'qué puedo hacer,' here are a few things I've learned on my journey to overcoming abusive relationships. First, acknowledge what’s happening. That’s the bravest step. Start documenting incidents, even if it's just a private journal or notes on your phone – details like dates, times, and what happened. This can be vital later if you need to involve authorities or for your own clarity. Second, build a support system. Reach out to trusted friends, family, or even a helpline. It’s okay to ask for help; you don't have to go through this alone. I found immense strength in sharing my story with a close friend, much like your friend pulled you through that final moment. They can offer a safe space and practical assistance. Safety planning is also key. If you decide to leave, have a plan. This might include packing an emergency bag, securing important documents, and having a safe place to go. Change passwords, review privacy settings, and be mindful of your digital footprint, especially if your abuser is tech-savvy or prone to spying. Remember, your physical and emotional safety is paramount. Finally, the path to overcoming abusive relationships is a journey of healing. It won't be immediate, and there will be good days and bad days. Therapy can be incredibly beneficial for processing the trauma and rebuilding your self-esteem. It helps to understand the 'trauma bond' you mentioned and learn healthy coping mechanisms. It’s about reclaiming your autonomy and reminding yourself of your worth. You are strong, capable, and deserving of a love that uplifts, respects, and cherishes you, not one that diminishes or controls. Your story is a beacon of hope for others, showing that escape and healing are possible.
I’ve been in a relationship like this with a guy so similar. I left the relationship about a year ago. I’m sorry you went through this and that you got out of it❤️