Stop gaslighting yourself!

I used to be so guilty of telling myself I was 'overreacting' or that 'it wasn't a big deal,' even when deep down, something truly bothered me. It took me a while to realize that I was actually gaslighting myself – manipulating my own thoughts and feelings to doubt my perceptions, memories, and even my sanity. It's a form of emotional abuse, but when you do it to yourself, it's incredibly insidious because it chips away at your self-worth from the inside. So, what exactly is self-gaslighting? It's when you dismiss your own emotions, experiences, or needs as unimportant, invalid, or exaggerated. You might tell yourself things like: 'I shouldn't feel this way,' 'It's all in my head,' 'I'm making a mountain out of a molehill,' or 'Everyone else handles this fine, why can't I?' The OCR identified this as a key part of "shifting your thinking" and recognizing these patterns is the first step towards mental healing and building confidence. Why do we do it? For me, it often stemmed from a fear of being seen as too sensitive or dramatic, or perhaps from past experiences where my feelings were dismissed by others. Sometimes, it's a way to cope with uncomfortable truths or avoid confronting difficult situations. We might think we're being strong or rational, but we're actually undermining our own emotional intelligence and preventing genuine self-growth. But here's the good news: you can absolutely stop gaslighting yourself and start validating your feelings. It's a journey, not a destination, but with conscious effort, you can shift your mindset. Here are some practical steps that have helped me: Recognize the Phrases: Become aware of the specific self-gaslighting statements you use. The OCR mentioned recognizing common phrases. Mine were often around minimizing my achievements or dismissing my stress. Write them down if it helps you see the pattern. Challenge the Thought: When you catch yourself, pause and ask: 'Is this truly not a big deal, or am I trying to convince myself it isn't?' 'Are my feelings valid, even if someone else might react differently?' This creates a crucial space for reflection. Practice Self-Validating Statements: Instead of dismissing your feelings, acknowledge them. The OCR emphasized "self-validating statements." Try saying to yourself: 'It's okay to feel sad/angry/frustrated right now,' 'My feelings are valid, and I deserve to express them,' 'This experience is affecting me, and that's understandable.' This simple act can be incredibly powerful. Connect with Your Body: Sometimes, self-gaslighting thrives when we're disconnected from our physical sensations. Take a moment to notice where you feel emotions in your body. Does your stomach clench? Do your shoulders tense? Acknowledging these physical cues can help you validate your emotional experience. Seek External Validation (Carefully): While the goal is self-validation, sometimes talking to a trusted friend, family member, or therapist can provide an external perspective that helps you see you're not 'crazy' or 'overreacting.' Just choose someone who is empathetic and supportive, not someone who will reinforce your self-gaslighting. Embrace Self-Compassion: Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding you would offer a friend. You wouldn't tell a friend they're 'too sensitive' for feeling hurt, would you? Extend that same grace to yourself. By consistent practice of shifting your thinking and consciously choosing to validate your feelings, you'll start to build a stronger sense of self-trust and confidence. This journey towards mental healing and self-growth is incredibly rewarding. Remember, your feelings are signals, and they deserve to be heard and respected. You are worthy of your own compassion.