Childhood Traumas and Attachment Styles
Hello ZeSties 🍋
Did you know your childhood shape your attachment style?
There are 4 types of attachment styles.
👹 The Disorganised Attachment aka Fearful Avoidant
> A disorganised style can develop when a child’s caregivers–their only source of safety–become a source of fear. (remember its not your fault that you ended up with this attachment style, with some practice and self awareness you can change your behaviours~)
> A combination of Anxious and Avoidant
> Basically insecure, and the hardest to work with
Example of behaviours:
• Difficulty trusting others
• Negative view of self
• Fear of abandonment
• Avoiding intimacy and commitment
• Conflicted feelings abt rs
• Feeling unworthy
> One day, they may be incredibly affectionate and close to someone, then the next they may avoid communication and act cold and dismissive.
> BasiCally toxic and unstable, unable to regulate or understand their own emotions. Also... usually they will feel very alone like no one understand them.
> I think to change from this you have to find out what are some root traumas that gotta go first and identify any patterns in relationships that keeps repeating eg. attracting horrible partners or being overly clingy or controlling in a rs. There will usually be a whole lot of issues for people with this attachment style
( I have been here and nth will change until you learn to sit with yourself and feel all your pain, then learn to forgive those people and let go of any resentments you have. You also have to learn how to move on onto better things and decide its for yourself - no more victimizing yourself and holding on to any past hurts) HMu if you guys need any advice - maybe i will write another post for this.
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💀 The Avoidant
> Caregivers (usually parents) who are strict and emotionally distant, do not tolerate expressions of feelings, and expect their child to be independent and tough.
> Avoidant attachment in adults may, from the outside, look like self-confidence and self-sufficiency. The avoidant attachment style has a low tolerance for emotional or physical intimacy.
> examples of avoidant behaviour:
• Emotionally Distant
• Difficulty expressing needs
• Difficulty handling conflicts
• Limits affection
• Fear of commitment
• Detached
> tbh they are the hardest to deal with for me personally, because all they need is themselves, they rarely see the need to change how they are. Its like "If im ok alone why do i need to compromise for another person" kind of mentality.
> But if they ever crave for intimacy... and a relationship, it will take alot on their end to figure out what needs to change.
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🤡 The Anxious
> Most often, anxious attachment is due to misattuned and inconsistent parenting.
> Low self-esteem, strong fear of rejection or abandonment, and clinginess in relationships are common signs of this attachment style.
> Wrote about how to change from anxious to secure
Over here! You just need to learn how to love yourself more and find things that build your sense of self and confidence. Also learning how to set boundaries with people and yourself.
> Easiest to convert to secure attachment style. 🥰
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🥳 The Secure
> The child is brought up in a warm and nurturing environment, where the caregivers are responsive to the child’s emotional needs.
> Qualities of a secure human! (3rd slide)
Knows how to trust
Honest communication
Empathetic
Healthy self-esteem
Resilience
Sets healthy boundaries with self and others
- verywellmind.com
> Everyone should aim to grow into this!
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Other reference
theattachmentproject.com
You can use this website to find out your attachment style!
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Hope this was helpful for you guys~
My other posts on attachment styles here:
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#SocialDiscussion #RealTalk #relationship #attachmentstyles #adulting
Aside from identifying your attachment style from childhood experiences, it's important to explore practical steps for healing and growth. For those with disorganized or fearful avoidant attachment, understanding the root traumas is crucial. I found that journaling about my past and recognizing triggers helped me see repeating patterns, like attracting toxic partners or becoming overly clingy. This awareness is the first step toward change. If you resonate with the avoidant style, you might appear self-sufficient but struggle with emotional intimacy. It took me a while to realize that needing independence didn’t mean shutting others out completely. Small steps like gradually opening up to trusted friends helped build emotional connections without overwhelming me. Those with anxious attachment styles often feel a deep fear of abandonment and clinginess. Building self-love through daily affirmations and setting clear boundaries has been my go-to method to regain confidence and reduce anxiety in relationships. Remember, it's a journey that requires patience and kindness toward yourself. For anyone aiming to move towards a secure attachment style, nurturing empathy, honest communication, and resilience are key. I recommend resources like theattachmentproject.com to take quizzes that clarify your style and provide tailored advice. Also, setting healthy boundaries is vital — it teaches others how to treat you and helps you protect your emotional well-being. Whether it’s about how you want to communicate or what behavior you accept, boundaries create safer connections. Finally, be gentle with yourself. Changing attachment patterns is challenging but entirely possible with consistent effort and support. If you feel overwhelmed, consider reaching out to a therapist who specializes in attachment theory to guide you through this healing process.
👍👍 would definitely love to hear more of fearful avoidant from your perspective :)