Are you emotionally mature?

helu zesties ✨️

Hope yall are doing great c:

Writing this post because... I realised alot of people are not emotionally mature - eg. guys from my past relationships, but I see it a lot in my friends.

For the past 4 years, everyone I met were pretty immature and avoidant with themselves. They would get mad at me for just simply expressing how I feel.

Hence, I'm writing this! Hopefully it helps someone in their relationships~ and to see which parts of yourselves you have to grow from.

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Signs of emotional immaturity 👿👿

😵‍💫 Emotionally immature people react, they don't respond 😵‍💫

They go on auto pilot and act out their conditioning. - based on their truamas and past experiences

The most damaging ways people react in a relationship:

1. Criticism

Blaming a problem on a personality flaw.

"You are too sensitive"

"You are selfish"

To avoid critisicm, back it up with how something makes you feel, give it a why and a problem to focus on. And notice your tone, always speak only when you already feel calm.

📛Eg. Why do you do that ?!!?

Vs

✅️Eg. When you do that it make me feel _____ (anxious, unsafe... etc.) because...

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2. Contempt

Criticism with an added layer of disgust and superiority, looking down on your partner.

It's the number one predictor of seperation.

Signs such as:

• name calling

• eye-rolling

• Mocking language

• Lack of empathy

• Dismissive

Instead of contempt, going with the route of appreciation could get your needs accross in a gentler way.

EG.

📛You keep going out with your friends you never think about anyone but yourself

VS

✅️ I appreciate everything you have been doing for us, it shows your commitment and care.

When you keeep focusing on the bad shit the situation usually goes to shit... further.

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3. Defensiveness

• Counter attack

"I know you are but what about me"

"I know you feel that way but you are not any better yourself"

• Victimhood

"How dare you call me selfish, everything I do is for you."

• Excusing

"I didn't mean to hurt you so you shouldn't feel so bad" - basically minimising how you feel. "It's nothing you should get over it"

"I'm super tired from work, I don't have the space to deal with you" - but they constantly brush off how you feel and you never feel heard

*As long as whatever they say doesn't contribute to solving the problem, it usually falls into this category, they may also bring up issues from the past. Usually people that do these^ are avoidant and its hard to change them... you might wanna leave before you put up with anything more.*

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4. Stonewalling

One partner completely shuts down and doesn't know how to react to the conflict.

My ex just could not communicate or provide any reasssurance or respond when I was just gently telling him how I was feeling 😵‍💫

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Signs of emotional maturity 😇😇

*slide 2-4 by verywellmind.com*

1. Slow down

2. Notice your emotions

3. Feel them fully without reacting

4. Understanding your own emotions and tending to them

5. Communicate them with care and skill

In general, healthy partners will want to understand how each other are feeling and both partners would be able to communicate about the issue calmly, then come to a compromise or solution. Its you guys against the world not each other.

WHICH can be really hard. These skills can only be learned by being in relationships, when you truly care for someone enough to sit in the discomfort and deal with the issue together as well as each others ugly parts. It take alot of patience and acceptance.

Hence.. Its understandable why alot of us, especially those with unhealthy childhoods struggle with emotional maturity, its difficult, it takes time and you can only grow if you are self aware enough to look at the patterns and change them. Some people are stuck in their toxic patterns their whole life, not knowing how to get out of it.

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Overview of why emotional maturity = healthier relationships and happier humans 🤍

**This is why you need to change any toxic behavious you have**

Because... the same patterns will keep repeating again and it doesn't matter who it is you are with until you learn your lessons, your triggers, your unhealed wounds.

This cycle may also continue until its too late, eg. getting married to the wrong partner, having kids with the wrong person, continuing the generations of truama.

And you will keep wasting time on the wrong people, instead of being with or attracting someone that truly support your growth and helping you become your best self - someone with dreams and aspirations to do more in life.

Not only the people you attract, but your own life will keep revolving in negativity because that is what you believe in. - What you tell yourself in your brain will always manifest in your reality. (You can read more about law of attraction and how manifestation works)

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💕 What helped for me and why I am writing about these nowadays ~

Journaling helped me alot with processing my feelings, 13yo me would use to do mindmap about the things I feel in situations that i could not control, and I would write down the next steps and reassure myself too.

My parents were both super emotionally immature so I swear to never be like them and did a lot of reading on healthy relationships, how do healthy people behave etc. I refuse to believe the reality they kept feeding me, it was all from fear, limiting beliefs and in general full of negativity.

Of course the people I met along the way in my life helped me loads too, to see how pretty and fulfilling life can be, especially my lovely colleagues, friends and teachers I had in my day care during my primary school days. They taught me a lot of life values annd how to stay strong during tough times while building a life that I want for myself in the future 💕 full of peace and love.

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XoXo,

sending peace and love

Tiny 🐧

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My other posts

7 Silent signs of incompatibility

Signs of love bombing

Follow me on Instagram !! @tinypenguinx

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#emotionalmaturity #psychology #lifelesson #GirlTalk #Relationship101